Using an old blogger account because it takes years for an IT idiot like me to create a new blog.

Basically, I just want to pen down all my memories and thoughts whenever I'm with him. Even if we don't get together, at least I'll remember how I met such a nice person that changed my thoughts about everything and I'm so, so thankful for that.


Monday, 22 October 2012

Yesterday was exactly one month since we knew each other. It feels like we've known each other for the longest time ever (not like it's a bad thing though). Many things happened yesterday that kept me thinking. I was at Fharon's chalet and he whatsapped me a picture of a conversation between him and his ex. I literally froze. I didn't know how to react. I couldn't cry. I just froze. It dawned on me that there's still a possibility that they'd get back together. He assured me time and again that it's impossible. But then again, words are just words. Feelings can take control over any situation, and either way one party is gonna get hurt.

I called him and asked what is gonna happen to me if they got back together. What am I supposed to do then? Pretend he never existed? Pretend we never knew each other? How do you expect me to just...forget? He kept silent. And in such a situation is when silence hurts the most.

I talked to Psychie about it. Not that I'm the kind of person that goes round telling people about the current situation I'm in, but at that point I needed advice and of course, a listening ear. She told me to take it as it comes, and trust him that they wouldn't get back together. These are just simple words, but it honestly did help. If I love him, I should trust him, right?

We managed to kind of sort things out. I slept with a smile on my face, but deep down fear had a hold on me.

We met each other today although we agreed to only meet each other on Wednesday because he felt that I needed my own space. I guess he needs his too. I went down to TP to pass him his wallet that I've been hogging for 3 days. I was sitting down on one of the benches and my eyes were on a constant look out for him. I just wanted to see him so badly. 10 minutes passed, and I saw him walking down the staircase and yawning as he walked towards me. A smile immediately swept across my face. Finally...that familiar presence.

We walked to a bus stop somewhere near my place to take the bus. I knew he wanted to walk home, but because I kept pestering him to take the bus, he agreed. As we walked there, he gave me a surprise hug. A hug I've been yearning for during the days that we didn't meet. I wish I could never ever forget that kind of happiness; the adrenaline rush that gushes through my veins.

We reached his place. I was extremely exhausted after spending the night at Fharon's chalet. I could fall asleep anytime, but I didn't want to. I wanted to treasure the time I had with him, so I stayed awake. It sounds stupid, but we read books together. I honestly enjoyed it. Of course, more hugs and pecks on the cheeks and lips came along. Ah, I miss him already.

***
Sigh. We kind of bickered because he said he feels like I've been hiding things for him and it doesn't feel the same anymore. In all honesty, I'm not hiding anything. I hate secrets. But I feel like it's the other way round; he's hiding things from me because he knows if he tells me, it will literally break me. But I'd rather experience the hurt now than later down the road when I've fallen deeper for him.

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